Presidential Approval on an Upward Schwing

For this if nothing else:

Can you smell that smell?

Lately evilwife, the nakedharpist and I have been walking around Hessel Park in the mornings or evenings to try to address various health issues we've been having (I'm old, fat and out of shape).

We've noticed that over on the east side of the park there is a tree that smells decidedly like spooey. It's pretty punguent.

We were walking last night (I was trailing the ladies watching their cute behinds wiggle to and fro) and evilwife noticed the smell again up by the northeast corner of the park.

"Gads! It's bad enough they've got one tree that smells like that, but two?"

"Sorry ladies," I said, "That time was my bad."

Special Delivery

I got a Fedex delivery on Saturday from the most mannish looking worker I've ever seen.

As I was handed the package I said, most reasonably, "Thanks Dude!"

"I'm not a dude."

"Wow! Really? Because you sure look like a dude."

He/She hit like a dude too.

Bad Ball Bearings

For whatever strange reason the laundry in our house has been piling up for the last couple weeks. Ordinarily you wouldn't think this is a huge problem but our laundry closet (it really is a closet - a full sized spacemaker unit in a little niche about 3' X 3' with a sliding door) is located just off the main entryway from the front door to the living room. That means that unless you want to walk down the hall and go through the kitchen you have to climb over a mountain of dirty clothes to get to the living room.

I was trying to be nice and was hanging up a 100' length of climbing rope, an axe and some carabiners to facilitate entry when evilwife walked by.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked with her usual skepticism.

"I saw the laundry was piling up and I figured I'd help out a bit."

"The washer is broke, dumbass."

"Oh."

So I gave her twenty bucks and told her to get her hair done or maybe a nice makeover.

She kicked me in the jimmy.

Support from the Base

Well, I lost the election so the covers are off.

I had a bet with my older brother that if I lost I would get a Charlton Heston tattoo on my derriere.

I did and then of course I had to show it to him as proof.

"Hey," he said. "I see you went for the Moses-with-the-beard look."

"Ummm, no."

"Ewwwwwww."

You Just Can't Make These Up, #42

evilwife: "How was your day today?"

PHD: "My face hurts."

evilwife: "Oh? What happened?"

PHD: "We were playing dodgeball and I got hit in the face."

evilwife: "Your face just attracts balls, huh?"

PHD: .............

Ummm, Yeah ...

Last year we took in a couple feral cats. One of those we caught very young and she has adapted quite well. The other was probably 3 times as old and is still mostly feral. He seldom comes out and prefers to hide under the PHD's bed. He's litterbox trained so I can't say that I really care all that much.

But I'm not quite sure what to make of this. The PHD lifted up her mattress to fix a fallen support that was causing her bed to sag a bit in the middle. Underneath her bed she discovered that Brooks, the erstwhile feral kitty, had made quite the little nest for himself down there. He had robbed bits of newspaper and several articles of her clothing to pad his little hidey-hole. On closer inspection it was revealed that that clothing wasn't socks or t-shirts or anything like that, but consisted solely of her clean underwear.

Maybe he's adapted better than we had previously thought.

Dammit!

She said she'd wait for me.

harumph.

Don't Ask Me To Explain

So there I was ...

... chasing the PHD and the AZN down the hall with the chainsaw and I ran right into it. The Bug had somehow produced this cloud of noxious gas so overpowering that the chainsaw exhaust couldn't cut through it.

We sent him to the bathroom and told him he couldn't come out until he had a BM. I'm not sure it helped.

The REAL Reason for the Season

Just why is the blog under lock and key you might ask? Well, contrary to whatever subterfuge may be out there, it's because I'm running for Champaign City Council and think that it's best that this site is unavailable until after at least February 24th. Who knows how someone could misconstrue any of the inanities I have written here.

As an update: No, I haven't filed my nominating petition yet. Some idiot, who coincidentally looks a lot like me, thought he only needed 1% of the total of voters in the last election, but that number is really 5%, or 106. I had only collected half that many so far.

In the spirit of this I hit the bricks last night in the wind and rain to seek out the support of my fellow citizens. I learned a lot about some of my neighbors last night. Many of them appear to have broken doorbells. Many were happy to sign. Some didn't want their names on anything political. Some wanted to know what my platform was and weren't very appreciative when I said "shoes". Some (well, one notable one) answer their doors naked. But all in all, they are all friendly people and one of the primary reasons I really love living in Champaign.

So, hopefully by Monday morning I'll have all the signatures I need and we can work on getting to the real campaign. It promises to be fun.